Your Star Sign

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly
because you are stupid.  Everyone thinks you're a damn jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22)
You are a pioneer type and think most people are fools.
You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice.
You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact
with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being
followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on
your friends and people resent you for flaunting your
power. You lack confidence and are a general clod.

Taurus (April 23 - May 22)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged
determination and work like hell. Most people think you
are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a
damned communist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you
because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect
too much for too little. This means you are a cheap
bastard. Gemini's are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's
problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always
putting things off. That is why you will always be on
welfare and won't be worth a dime. Everyone in prison
is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you
are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and
cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting.
Leo people are thieving liars and enjoy masturbation
more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your
nit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and
co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often
fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus
drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time
dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably
gay. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil.
Most Libra women are sluts. All Libra's die of venereal
disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business
and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of
success because of your total lack of ethics. You are
the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless
tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent.
The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless
piece of filth.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22)
You are conservative and afraid
of taking risks. You are basically a coward. There
has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should
kill yourself.